For families who have had a loved one disappear, Christmas can be a hard time of year. Pippa Duncan talked to Ben Moore, whose brother, Tom, left home 16 years ago and hasn’t been seen since
‘I am going away for some time and I don’t know when I shall be coming back!’ A short, scribbled note left by Tom Moore in 2003 before he disappeared from the lives of his family and friends. The exclamation mark at the end gives the note an almost cheery feel, but for Tom’s parents and siblings, it has been 16 years of loss, uncertainty and grief.
Ben Moore was 18 when his troubled 32-year-old brother walked away from his life. A deeply sensitive man, Tom found comfort in religion, but a trip to India and dabbling in drugs there and at university led that spirituality into a darker place. ‘He quickly became a very scared, fearful, paranoid person, absolutely convinced that he was hell-bound for being a sinner. He wasn’t really a sinner but being paranoid you can create sins out of thin air,’ says Ben, as we talk in a café near his home in Richmond.
‘He was pulled out of university and I have very sad memories of him being taken away – put into a van and driven off.’
From then on Tom was in and out of hospitals for psychiatric treatment and would often be heavily medicated. When he could, he would disappear for weeks or months at a time, often to different countries.
Once, he was found by his uncle in a homeless centre in New York. ‘When my uncle went to pick him up, the other homeless guys, they all got up to hug him goodbye. He had developed friendships, bonds.’ The brother who was so restricted at home and was a constant cause of distress to his family belonged, as he didn’t at home. ‘One time he went to Lourdes and was found by security guards sleeping in the grounds. Another, he hid on a cargo ship on its way to Sardinia.
‘The last time I found him was in Bosnia, at a holy shrine in Medugorje, a place of Catholic pilgrimage.’ Tom seemed happy where he was, amongst other people dedicated to God, but under instructions from his worried parents, Ben brought him back to London. ‘I should probably have left him where he was because he was quite healthy and happy.’ It was only a few weeks later that he disappeared for the last time.
When his brother left again, Ben believes he was in a good place – off drugs, off medication and mentally stable: ‘He was actually well-equipped to survive independently in the world – he’d got much stronger, he’d managed to get off all medication, he wasn’t in any mental institutions, all his healing had been done pretty much by himself.’ Which is why Ben thinks his brother is still alive when others in his family do not. His parents and two siblings have held a memorial service for Tom.
A few months after he disappeared a withdrawal from Tom’s bank account of 200 euros was made in Italy but, despite searches, there has been no trace of him for years.
Until earlier this year. In February, the body of a man who was known to be living rough was found in Italy. His name and date of birth were those of Tom Moore. Ben travelled to Italy to identify his brother. ‘I had to spend the whole weekend sort of pondering on whether or not it was going to be him.’ He says as soon as he walked into the morgue he knew it wasn’t Tom. ‘But this man had been using his identity, his name, date of birth, so he had some kind of link to my brother.’ Another homeless man’s death – a man who used to be a lecturer at the University of Bratislava – is now the family’s link to Tom. So Ben’s search is now to locate the man’s family to find out more.
Searching for Tom has become a part of Ben’s life. He says he has had many positive experiences over the years in his quest to find his brother: The long journey of trying to find him includes his short film, Missing Tom, which he hopes to complete when he finds him. It has also inspired his work as an art curator here and in the States. His company, Art Below, brings artwork to the underground and he curated #Unmissable – an exhibition of portraits of missing people. He and his family work closely with the Sheen charity, Missing People.
Ben misses Tom most when he dreams about him. ‘I want to hear what happened to him, because I’m sure the journey, the adventure, the story that he has to tell, it must be mind-blowing.’
Missing People is able to support families affected by a disappearance, including through the helpline, which is available 24/7, thanks to the generous support from players of People’s Postcode Lottery
missingtom.com
missingpeople.org.uk
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